Coming Soon…
By Stovall Weems
“Disciple” has been a great series. We have one more week to go and then after this we are kicking off “Relationship Q and A”. I am going to be taking some of your questions that you post on my blog on marriage, family, parenting, dating, relationships, etc and speak about them during the weekend. So let me hear from you. What would you like for me to specifically answer or talk about during the series?
Stovall
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Pastor Stovall, I would like to hear your thoughts about raising a teenage daughter alone.
she is 14 and has a boyfriend .. i have tried to be strict you can’t see boys, but i didnt want her to sneak behind my back, so i allowed visits to the mall, movies etc with a adult around. long story short i have talked to them both about sex waiting, and how important it is. I recently found out that she had sex .. i was crushed i wanted to just die i felt like i failed as a parent , and a person…. I was supose to pretect her, my baby now she has commited this adult act… i dont know how to move on from this… i have tried to talk to her but she says that we are two different people and will never see eye to eye. i want her to know that i love her with all my heart and the fantasy of love and marriage and babies with your high school sweetheart is just a fantasy .. i want her to dream about taking care of herself good grades, college, provided for herself as a woman and all that love will come when the time is right…. please help
How do you honour your parents when they want you to do something that you know is not what God wants you to do? If you could touch on this subject it could be life changing for me. Please help if you can!
My girlfriends parents are trying to control her life and make her do something she doesn’t want to do. How does she stand up to them without dishonoring them? If you could briefly touch this subject on Wednesday night it could be life changing for us. Please help if you can!
How do you go about honoring your father and mother if they want you to do something that you know is not what God wants you to do?
We have many single young ladies on my job who get pregnant. Our work environment is to give them baby showers. While I feel the child is innocent and many of these young women are in lower incomes and could really use the help. But, there are times when I give gifts or attend these showers that I feel that I’m supporting the behavior (premarital sex or no intent-marital sex). The men don’t get invited so they’re exempt but it would be obvious if I didn’t attend. It’s even hard for me to congratulate them or show happiness. But, it seems our culture is saying it’s ok. I struggle with supporting them and for even feeling this way.
I thank God everyday for blessing me with you and Pastor Kerri. I’m currently single and have never been married. I have a very close friendship with a man that has been divorced for two years. He wasn’t a christian when he was married but now he is living a God First life. He is on fire for God just as I am it brings me great joy to see the man he’s growing into with Jesus. He is someone that I would consider dating but I know what the scritpures say about divorce. If we were to get married would both of us be commiting adultry?
Thank you Pastor Stovall for allowing us to communicate with you about family issues… My question is regarding inlaw realtionships. I have a situation, where one of my inlaws has become upset with me. They were employed by us and it was merely a matter that they did not want to continue coming to my home to help out with our business. They stated they did not feel welcome. I did not try to make them feel this way, I was under alot of stress, I was in the middle of a very serious cancer treatment with my mother (since then she has passed away), taking care of my elderly father and mentally ill sister, in the middle of tax season and my daughter’s high school graduation. I sought help from a friend, and they became offended.
I felt the right thing to do was to go to them and apologize, so I did literally on my hands and knees. They will not forgive me, they still continue to hold the grudge and they will not come to any family events for their grandchildren.
How am I to continue with this bitterness toward me, this has been going on for 5 months. How do we handle the upcoming holidays?
Hello Pastor!
Thanks for doing this series and listening to all of our concerns and requests. And thank you and Kerri for being so awesome and faithful to God’s high calling. My questions are about dating. I am new to this blog thing…so I hope I am posting the comment correctly and everything. And I will try to clearly communicate my questions. Ok, so I am in a Christain dating relationship and I wanted to know if and when we should have another couple “mentoring us”??? I have heard about this…where other couples give advice or guidance/support, etc. to the couple thats dating. And my other question is : How do you know if you are dating the right person at the right time, besides seeking God’s wisdom in prayer and reading the Word?
For those out there hurting from past relationships,let me just encourage you to humble yourself before the Lord and ask him to make you whole. He WILL! Thank you Jesus! I’m not mistake free but I am painfree!
Pastor,
I want to start off by saying that Celebration Church has been an incredible blessing in my life. My relationship with God has grown to a much deeper level than I could have ever imagined, and I know that it will only get better. I’m living a more spirit-filled, spirit-driven life than I’ve ever had before, and you and Pastor Kerry had a huge part in that. So, THANK YOU both for all that you are, all that you do, and all that you give. I dated a Christian guy for 2.5 years. We discussed marriage, but neither one of us had peace about taking the next step, so we decided to break it off. We’re compatible on every level, except 2 important ones: 1) he’s not as passionate about serving God and seeking him as I am; and 2) he’s generally not happy with himself or his life and therefore feels extremely fearful and incapable of giving me what I need or deserve. I see “little by little” changes, and I pray consistently for direction and peace. We are still an integral part of each other’s lives, although we haven’t been dating for about 3 months. My struggle is that I still haven’t found any peace about letting it go completely.
I must say that I absolutely love Celebration and this relationship series. I was raised Catholic where growing up, church was something you just did on Sundays. As I recently discovered, attending Celebration has created a greater, deeper connection with God and spiritual inspiration than I ever had before. I have read a few of the postings especially those for the upcoming singles topic. I am single, early 30s, no kids, never married, lives alone, college educated. From what I have been told those are desirable qualities in any woman. My best dating relationship ended 7 years ago. We dated for 4 years and one night, I was selfishly unfaithful. The day our relationship ended, his last words to me were that I would never find a man who treated me as well as he had. To this day, that has truly been the case. Here’s my question…How do I keep the belief alive that God has someone else planned for me and not feel as if I threw away my opportunity for a husband and family by cheating? Also, are there any plans in the future for some singles sponsored events so that we can interact in a big gathering rather than smaller groups? Keep up the awesome job!!!
Sooooooo, there is a burning question we single girls have. We are all familiar with the golden rule of no sex before marriage. BUT… what about all the in between stuff. How far is too far in a christian relationship? For example I hear people say that they don’t even kiss until they are married..Isn’t this extreme?? Where is the line and how do we not let our fleshly desires get in the way or distract us from finding our mate?? Does physical chemistry/attraction play a part in finding “the one”??
I have been attending Celebration since last year it has been a blessing to me. However, I have been struggling to lead a Christ First life. I have lived a painful past with bad decisions for relationships and my life. I have been trying to turn that around for almost 2 years so that I stop the pattern. I met a christian about 3 weeks ago, we share with each other and we do discuss how important God is in our lives. We both are healing from our past mistakes and wanting to do things the “right” way. Sadly we got off to a bad start because I was so afraid of not being accepted that I intentionally lied to him about my last sexual relationship. He forgave me and we agreed to try again. He asked me to be completly honest regardless. Then today I told him that 16 years ago I had an STD breakout (non-cureable). I didn’t even think about this when we agreed to be honest and put it all on the table. I am devastated that my past mistakes and pain will always follow me. I am trying to not worry or be anxious. I have been reading the bible and seeking guidance from two books “Growing Closer to God” and “Dating with Pure Passion” both of these refer to scriptures and allow for reflection. I am trying to forgive and allow Christ to lead me. I am shameful of my past, hurt immensely by past abuse and deceipt. I want to break the pattern. I want to be honest about my past. I am afraid of pushing people away because of it. I made mistakes, bad choices and allowed patterns, I don’t want to continue that or allow it to continue to hurt my relationship with Christ and others. What point do singles share the painful things that will never go away?
Dear Pastor Stovall,
I am currently in a teenage relationship and I know you have more things to deal with than little people out there like me but here is my question…
I know about the forgiving process and the put your past behind you and all that jazz but my current girlfriend has had sex before which did not bother me at first and she was always kissing in public (but she was NOT the one innitiating the kissing when she was with all her ex’s) I just don’t know if I meet up to her standards of a boyfriend or not. Should I sit her down and talk to her about me being uncomfortable and not knowing what to think about her past or should I just move forward…? I wish I could just move forward and just say to myself okay the past is in the past and it doesn’t matter anymore but I just can not do that. I need some help
Pastor: I know that this week we will be addressing singles as part of the series and I was hoping you could address the issue of waiting. I am early 30’s and single and I find myself constantly feeling “When God?”. I have faith in Him, believe in Him and am grateful for this time to be obedient as I wait on Him, but I find myself looking, hoping, longing. I feel sinful in my wait, as I sometimes feel lonely, like there is something missing in my life. I am filled with Him, but it’s still like there is something incomplete in me. I am not looking for a mate to “fill me”, as I know only Christ can do that, but my desire to be a wife and mother is incredibly strong and has been a part of me almost always. I believe that God has this plan for me because I know that I was created to be a “helper” and that my desire is good and for Him. I guess I’m just asking, is there anything you can give to those of us who are waiting, hoping, trying to be true and obedient to Him and His will for our lives.
Pastor, I would like you to talk about dealing with relationships with people who do not walk with god. When is it a good time to walk away and separate from them. My concern is, I want to help the person to come to this beautiful life, but how do I know when I can do no more? They say they believe there is a God, but still sin and act foolish. I pray continuously for this blessing and speak peaceful words, but I don’t know if this will help….
Pastor,
I love this series on Marriage and Relationships and only wished that it was around when I was trying to hang on to my marriage. I even saw the “Fireproof” today and it brought back a hurtful time when I struggled with my husband and his habits (drugs, alcohol, etc.) and what marriage meant to me and God. However, I have to thank my divorce for opening my eyes and heart to the Lord. I was born Catholic and was always taught that it was the only way to Heaven. I now have an awesome relationship with the Lord. The dating scene has been scarce for me. Throughout my abusive marriage, I recall locking myself in the bathroom and praying to the Lord to show me what a real man (husband) is supposed to be like. Years later, during my divorce, through a change in job positions, a man entered my life in the strangest way. He was my trainer and was everything I never would have looked twice at (not that I was at the time). But now that I look back, he was like the angel sent down and placed in my life right at the perfect time that I needed him. He taught me about the Lord and the Bible in ways I had never learned in my Catholic upbringing. We began an awesome friendship and actually began a short term dating period. However, he too was going through a divorce and wanted to finally devote 100% to his music career. Four years later, we are the best of friends and he has been a great mentor to my daughter. Yes, I have fallen in love with him but that is not a topic to be discussed between us. He has a dream he is pursuing and is afraid to go on that walk again. I have asked the questions: “Is it God’s plan for us to be together?” “Am I blinding myself with my own personal feelings?”. And although I pray about it and know that God will lead me right, I feel 100% that this man is my Adam that God has created just for me. But I fear that if this isn’t God’s plan then how do I stop loving him to move on?
Please keep this one anonymous because he comes to church with me and the details will give us away.
I love Celebration and thank you for the way you preach the wonderful Word of our Lord.
God Bless you Weems!
Hi Pastor,
Thank you for this series it is a blessing.
My question: How do you know if the person you are dating is the one God wants you to marry? How do you know if it’s love,infatuation, or lust? If they have children and you don’t could this be a deal breaker?
Confused but want God’s will……….Please help.
Pastor, I’ve noticed a bit of a trend with us wives of unsaved husbands. Please think about having a small group next semester regarding this very important topic.
Pastor – I am a single in the church. I would love to see more emphasis placed on single events. It seems as though our singles are broken into several small groups and they are no events that we can come together and grow as disciples. Can you please touch on where and how Christians can find there Christian mate? And, while we are waiting on the Lord to lead us to that mate, how do we stay focused on the Lord and not stress about being alone?
My husband and I have been married going on 2yrs now. We both have a child from a previous relationship, and we have custody of both of these children. Both of our boys other parents are making very bad decisions in their lives, my husband was the father to my son for the first 3yrs we were together, his biological dad was a drug addict and alcoholic! My stepsons mom is choosing men over her son and has gone 4 months without seeing him. He is in kindergarden and has been having alot of behavior problems! We are usually pretty good at dealing with issues seeing as we have had alot of them, but we have been very frustrated lately and arguing more than usual. We both love both the boys as if they were our own and know we are doing the right things for them but it is difficult sometimes when the other child is not yours. Do you have any suggestions on how to deal with the problems that can come with being a blended family?
Pstor Stovall
I’ve just started attendiny your church thanks to many people who suggested it to me. Its been one of the best decisions I’ve made. You and your wife set a clear example of what a Goldy releationship should be like. I’m in a releationship and have been for close to two years. I’ve got two children as does he… all of our children are within 6 years of eachother. I would like maybe if you could put into prespective Addicitons, parenting, and what damage it causes in the life opf a child, and HOW we can begin to help his two boys form damage thats been dine by the biological mtoher and his mother. Thank you SO much!!!
Pastor, I’ve been married for 15 yrs and I’m at the point where I don’t want to be married anymore. My husband is an alcoholic and probably will never give up the drinking, I use to drink occasionally with him and sometimes drank just to deal with him but I don’t anymore. I quit drinking several months ago and even though I am more happier with me, I am not happy in my marriage, so much has happened in our past and there are trust issues that I just don’t thnink can ever be repaired. I pray everynight for God to help me with this decision. I don’t know what to do anymore, I love my husband very much and he has so much good in him, do I just give up on our marriage and hope that he gets better, I can’t help him, he doesn’t listen to me anymore. I just don’t want to live his lifestyle anymore.
Pastor Stoval,
You are an AWESOME pastor! Thanks for the new series. I feel it was right on time. May God continue to bless you and your family.
Dear Pastor,
This question contains to father daughter relationships. A few months ago, I met my father. He was around when I was a baby, but I can’t remember him. It’s been a hard journey trying to forgive him from the hurt feelings I have from him leaving, and trying to see how God is going to use me to bring him to Jesus. I know God has his hand on this, and put my father in my life at just this time for a specific reason. Sometimes it’s hard though because I am married now, and when I hear from my Dad all of a sudden I revert to little girl mode, longing for that father attention. I know my husband is now the first man in my life, and God never intended for this to happen in this order. My question would be what kind of a realtionship should I expect to have with my father?
Thank you.
Pastor,
The movie Fireproof (which was awesome by the way) addressed several areas of relationships including addictions. Can you please speak of addictions/destructive behavior in relationships? I know several people have written in about pornography, but what about indulgence in alcohol and drugs (include pot because many pot users don’t believe this drug is destructive nor do they believe it should be illegal). All these behaviors are detrimental to a relationship but often the person engaged in the behavior does not see the damage being caused. I think this would be helpful to many. Thank you. The first weekend of the series was incredible!I can’t wait to see/hear the rest of the series.
Pastor Stovall! It is so evident that so many people in our church are hurting.Even though you cant address every individual problem, thank you for tackling this series. As the Body of Christ, we need to really be praying for one another and seeing this stories on your blog has really reinforced the need for people to be in small groups. So many of these people need to know that they DO have other Christians who will listen, pray for them and love them, worts and all.I love my small group of women and thank God everyday that there is a place where we are connected and loved unconditionally. My question to you is one I have been asked many times. Do we have ongoing marriage counseling for those in our church who need it?Is it available at the church or do we have an outside source? God bless you and Kerri for your authenticity and both your hearts that so obviously love the Lord and the people He has placed in your spiritual care. Love you two!!
Pastor,
I have seen Fire Proof and it was in short a story of our marriage. My husband of almost 10 years have struggled with intimacy and sex. Porn and 2 affairs later I finally put my foot down and said enough is enough. My question or statment is I know that God put us together, I hang on to that everyday, but when you have been betrayed, cheated on, verbally abused, and you have lost all trust in your husband, how do you start to rebuild trust and what does the Bible say about the womens role in the marriage when things like this happen. I have forgiven him and he has apoligized however,how do you get trust back in a marriage that has been destroyed?
Broken Angel
Hi Pastor Stovall,
I am so glad that we are having this segment on marriage. I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years we have a 4 year old son and our marriage is great. My husband is the love of my life, we were high school sweethearts. Although my husband is the sweetest guy I know I feel that sometimes he takes me for granted or just don’t hear me.
I have been wanting another baby and my husband keeps saying that we can not afford another kid. I just feel that we will never have enough money and we should not plan our family that way. It is not up for discussion with him and it means alot to me. This sometimes leads to me feeling like I resent him. I don’t know what to do or how to make him hear me.
Hey Pastor Stovall! I am with my true love. I met him when I was 15, he was 18. We dated off and on again for 5 years and then called it quits when I was 20, he was 23. We both married other people and had children. Last summer, I ran into him again. I always knew he was my true love, since I was 15, and now we are finally together. Although we are not married, we are married to each other in our hearts. I am so happy you will be talking about “blended” families, because we have one! Complete with challenges, stressors, exes, personalities, and arguments. Please spend a lot of time in this area!!! Thank you so much! We love you.
Thanks for this series, it seems to be coming at the exact right time for so many people! I have a question that pertains to many single black women. The media and the world tells us that we have less of a chance of getting married than any other racial group and the numbers get lower and lower each year. Everyone I know tells me to lower my standards and date men who have children, been married, no job, or have weird icky problems. Many black men are just not available to us, and the media has painted such a horrible picture of black women that men of other racial groups either don’t approach us (for fear we’ll grow horns and scream obscenities at them), or they believe the lie.
I’m not losing hope (or faith in my savior), and I do pray for a practical husband, a Boaz! What advice do you have for single women who cannot find a suitable mate because “their standards are too high”, or because of their race, size, height, blah, blah, blah…
Oh and is it rude to ask a guy if they are a Christian within the first, say, ten minutes of meeting them? (I just don’t like to waste my time.)
i am married with two children. i love my husband and know that he loves me. sometimes when we argue he blows up at me. he is not abusive, but i am not a yeller. when he yells it is like a switch gets turned on in my head and begins shut down mode. i don’t bring up “hot button” issues because i don’t want to rock the boat. my husband is a new christian. he tells me how i helped him by not nagging him. how do i talk to him about this without becoming the nagging wife? what does God want me to do about him yelling.
Pastor – Thank you for today, it was everything I was hoping for and exactly what I needed. I have four things to say to you Phe-nom-en-al. I know that God has put Celebration in my life to give me the roots and wings I need to be a good Chritian wife and mother. Thanks again!
Stovall
I’m single (never married) in my thirties and attend one of the singles’ groups. It seems like we have a lot of singles but we are fractured into many groups and never meet each other. The groups don’t focus on specific needs of being single or issues that we face. I hope you can consider having socials for singles and Bible study focusing on single issues, like Christian dating, how do you know if you’ve found the one, etc.
I met my wife before I rededicated my life to Christ and needlessly to say she is a non-believer. She left our marriage six and half months ago. I have continued to try to get us into counseling, talk to her, and write her in attempts to try and work our marriage out without any success. She has initiated divorce proceedings.
I have read several scriptures regarding divorce. And, now I am torn between continuing to try and work things out with her even though she has shown no interest in doing so and letting it go.
For now, I have decided to focus on my faith in Christ and drawing nearer to him on a daily basis. But, that doubt and hurt does from time to time sneak into my heart.
When or at what point does one just move on? What does the scripture have to say regarding my situation?
My Dearest Pastor Stovall,
With this up coming series I am actually feeling as if I will have to sit these ones out. You see in on the morning of June 22, 2008 I was brutally attacked. (details omitted)
As I lay there on the floor weeping and in utter disbelief My prayer: Lord please forgive him for he knows not what he has done, Please let my baby get to safety and heal her in the name of Jesus and Lord if there is anything in me that is displeasing to you please for give me…
By the grace and mercy of God I was able to escape while the individual when out looking for my 9year old daughter whom I told to run away, to get out of the house. I was able to find a neighbor who allowed me their home to call 911 and seek refuge until the authorities came.
All of this was done by my spouse.
Tell me something… What do you say to someone like me about their marriage?
Pastor;
I’m reading these comments and I see a lot of confusion and hurt and lack of communication. I’ve been reading a book about the ‘Five Love Languages’ that explains a little about how we miss things in our relationships. And the sex thing for married couples is always an issue. Not to say my marriage is perfect (because Lord know it’s not!), but I had it explained to me that if I wanted my wife to do for me things that may not be her favorite things to do, then I must be willing to do for her the things that may not be my favorite. I know we see the world through different glasses and I’ve become much more tolerant, and she much more responsive, when we switch our glasses.
Why is it that women are “always” the person who seek to reconcile a problem and apologize first.
I am deeply aware of the need to forgive. I is a practice that I take very seriously. But after 18 years, I sure would like my husband to apologize first, for once.
If he apologized first, it would say that he realizes, without being told, that he hurt my feelings and didn’t think about my needs.
So why is that women seem to be more willing to reconcile an issue and forgive than men?
Pastor Stovall,
I am a young woman who has been hurt by many men in relationships. It seems like they are consistently cheating or being unfaithful. I have blamed myself for their choices but have realized that this has been dragging me down. Overtime and through Jesus I have found the strength to realize that I am worth love. I have tried to seperate my past relationships and focus on the wonderful man in my life. However, I keep wondering if the pattern will repeat itself, with this being said how do I move forward and let that pain go?
God Bless,
Val
This is just a comment to help out the guys. My wife doesn’t like NASCAR and I don’t like it when the family is all spread out through out the house watching different TV’s. So what I have found to work very well is that while our son and I are glued to the TV, I just offer to rub her feet. She cant resist that so guess what happens. She props her feet up and by default has to watch NASCAR while i rub her feet, or back. See everyone wins in this situation!!!!
Pastor Stovall:
I am in a marriage of three years. Prior to marrying, we lived together for four years. I have been attacked legally to the point of losing my company of eighteen years. I am now facing personal bankruptcy. My husband has moved to another state and re-entered his life before me. When we found out about the bankruptcy threat, he indicated he would come to Florida and support me. Unfortuanately dove season was the same time, so he chose to hunt. For the last year there has been a constant battle over priorities with hunting, fishing, sporting clays, and poker games taking priority over me. I feel abandoned.
The good news is that I joined Celebration last January and started off with the 21 day fast. Since then I have learned, prayed, and pressed in to God. I am at peace with the financial and legal issues because I gave them to God.
I also put my marriage at his feet. Just this week, I fasted and prayed for three days for answers to how to deal with my marriage. My husband was going to come to Florida yeaterday. I was so excited that you are kicking off this series and that we might have a base to start again. I have begged him to start going to church and hoped this weekend would get him started.
He did not show up yesterday or even call. I have prayed to God for guidance on my marriage. I am trying to listen and hear him. Am I just not getting that the answer is that my husband has moved on?
I was married twice before; once as an eighteen year old to “get out of the house”, and then many years later to someone I thought had values, but found out shortly did not. I have prayed so hard to not have another failed marriage. My husband is the type that will not make the initiative to divorce, so this non-marriage could go on for years.
Will you speak to how a Christian should deal with this situation. I want to do what God intends.
I know God will put on your heart the right words for all of us who are in troubled relationships.
Blessings.
Thank you Pastor Stovall and Pastor Kerri for doing a series on Marriage.
1. A topic that would be helpful would be – How do you know if you both are ready to have children, or what do you do if one is ready and the other might never be ready? Something that I’ve noticed are situations where people are having children eventhough one or both are not ready, or they think they are ready and have no idea what they are getting into. Children are such a huge responsibility and with the divorce rate the way it is, it makes it tough to even want that type of added stress in a marriage Especially in a world that is already not marriage friendly. Totally not advocating anything bad, just being real about advocating being prepared for life’s challenges.
2. I’d like to encourage the Singles by saying that my husband and I met at a church through serving in the singles ministry, there will be much for everyone to learn during this series. I would like to encourage singles to join a message based small group with other singles to gather other perspectives and make this series even more meaningful and applicable to life as a single. Small groups are great for community building especially this time of year
Be Blessed!
Pastor,
I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and we have a 4 year old son & a 10 month old baby boy together.Lately I can’t help but feel that he’s unattracted to me. He doesn’t reach out to hold my hand, I have to lean in to KISS HIM, if we sit on opposite couches he doesn’t even think to want to get up and sit next to me, & he rarely likes to include me when he has social gatherings with co-workers or just high school friends, and I’m not even going to tell you about the sex we NEVER have. I know I may sound clingy, but more and more everyday I feel like he doesn’t see me…he sees right through me. I can’t help but wonder if there’s something I’m doing wrong. It’s not even about the sex, but more the little things…it’s always me initiating…needing advice.
Pastor Stovall,
I recently have watched “Fireproof” & I find myself relating to the movie and also wondering ‘Why do significant others (preferably of the male species) work so hard to win our hearts over in the beginning and abruptly stop once they’ve achieved that goal?’ Are men really programmed only for the ‘chase’? I cannot say that we women aren’t guilty as well, but for 90% of the relationships I’m aware of..it’s usually the guy who is the culprit. (Sorry GUYS no offense) I don’t understand why the significant other WAITS until we are ready to cross the-line-of-no-return. Why wait until our feelings are on the brink of being completely drained? It’s not like the warning signs aren’t there or the ‘nagging’ conversations aren’t being brought up….just need some insight. THANKS!
Pastor Stovall,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for the last 6 years. Things are great. We’ve had our hard times, just like any other couple, but we’ve always gotten through it. I’m having a hard time because after all of this time together he still cant tell me if i’m the one or not. Its hard because I feel and have felt for years that he is the one for me. His only response when I ask him is “I wouldnt still be with you if you werent” or “I dont see why you wouldnt be” I dont understand why he cant stop beating around the bush. Either I am, or I am not. He says he wont be married til he is finished with school, which is fine with me, but simply tell me I am the one so I dont feel like i’m wasting my time! Sheesh. Is that so much to ask. I’m leaving it up to God, and I have been, but i dont know what to do. Can someone feel like their partner is the one and the other person know that their partner isnt? Help!
Hello Pastor Weems,
I’m 33 years old (black attrative female)and have great friends that are male and female. When some of my lady friends talk about sex with there boyfriends or husbands I really don’t have much to say because I am a virgin. I try to avoid these types of conversations with anyone especially when they look at me to say something. I just say I rather not share because of my faith. Are there really some men my age that are virgins too and are willing to marriage women that are not experienced? I just don’t know how to ask some of my male friends this question. I trust God 150% with everything and HE is ordering my steps to the right way for that special man to find me as his wife.
Pastor Stovall,
After talking to some of my close chick friends, we came to the conclusion that we have all had the same private issue with our husbands and since we could ask anything… We’re gonna ask it.
What is the deal with guys and porn?!?!?!We have all busted our husband on the internet or found porno videos hidden around the house. Everytime we have confronted our husbands they cannot answer why the watch it. They get defensive and say something like “ well at least I’m not cheating on you”. Each time they promise it wonlt come up again, but it always does. It is so hurtfull to a wife to know that her husband wants to looks at other women in that light. It makes us feel undesireable, unappreciated, disrespected and all out bad about ourselves.
I know the bible talks about lust and that if you do something with your mind, its the same as doing it with your body. Why is there this big mis-conception with men that watching porn is ok, as long as you dont have physical relationships with other women.
I would like to hear what you think about dating relationships that began “broken” and without God present. Do you think they can go the distance (marriage)? I’m in a strong relationship NOW, trying to keep God present in it, but it wasn’t always this way. It began broken and with regrets. Am I foolish to try to make a marriage work?
Hi Pastor Stovall, My question can go for a husband or wife depending if my topic is an issue in a marriage. My husband and I came into our marriage pretty much at the same spiritual level due to our both being in a recovery program. We have been married ten years and have a good marriage thanks to our individual work in 12 step programs. The issue is I reached a point that I was searching for more and a deeper relationship with God. I also new it was important for our 2 children to be grounded in a spiritual life. I was able to find that at Celebration. It has not always been comfortable but I stay steadfast because I believe I am only here by Gods grace. Now I have a better understanding of our role as husband and wife and the great things God can do when a family is unified in Christ. My husband is unable at this time to open his mind to more about this. I can see how this affects our marriage and family, we are like a three legged chair due to his absence as head of the home in the spiritual aspect. It is also harder for me now to respect his authority. Sometimes I deal with it ok and sometimes I get resentful. I also believe there is nothing (other then prayer) that I can do about it. I also feel almost a sense of loss in our marriage at times because this is something we do not share. Its feels like me and our children have a separate life sometimes. Sorry this is so long but it is hard to condense. Thanks.
Hi pastor Stovall, Grettings from Perù Im Humberto I was working in Arequipa, I hope that you remembert to me, only I would like say, dont forget the water with gas. Bless you. Humberto
Pastor, I would like to see if you could touch on the subject that JJ spoke about, but from the male side, how do we deal with our partner being distant and resistive to our amorous (is that a word) attempts, males are touchy feely, so we attack and grab and fondle rather then caress,touch and appreciate. It is very hard for a male to feel rejected by her partner although she may not see it as such, I often battle with this in my own relationship, it seems that its OK to be responsibe to her when she is in the mood (which I consider not often enough) versus her being responsive to me when I am in that mood (which she considers way too often). How often is good enough or normal (if ther is such thing) and what is considered grounds for counseling for an addiction. thank you for your input and what a great way of allowing us to be part of your awsome church.
Pastor Stovall, please give me some advice. My fiancee’ won’t share anything about his finances with me. I know that he makes good money but that is all I know. Shouldn’t we know everything about each other before we make that step down the aisle. This has bothered me for a long time. Sometimes I feel that he is hiding something from me. Please help!
A little awkward question here Pastor, but you said we could ask… how do my husband and I reconcile his constant desire for sex and my desire for more non-sexual touch (think foot rubs, back rubs.) Is this possible? What does the Bible say about this? Thanks. God Bless you and your wife for all you do.
Hope this is ok:)
My heart really goes out to you Cathy. I’m 31, single and want the things you want too. I think you made a wise decision. If you only felt 80% of his love then most likely thats what you would feel in a marriage to him. Besides he can’t be rushed and if he’s not ready then he’s not ready…Missing him and feeling lost is only natural but your hurting now may save you from a lot of heartache later. The truth is your not “lost” or alone. I don’t have all the answers to your questions. But I do know that you deserve to be adored by a man that will fight for you and love you unconditionally. I pray you will find peace in this difficult situation.
Hey Pastor,
I’ve never had a problem meeting ladies and being great friends, but what indication or tell tale sign is there to know that a lady is interested in getting a guy? Furthermore how does a guy prove that his love for Jesus and an everlasting relationship with a lady takes precedent over the baggage and sin of a guy’s parents and siblings?
I know we are to honor and respect our parents, but what do we do as a Christian if we feel that the rest of the family just doesn’t get it? Point being, every time I try to get away from family to pursue a relationship there they are lingering behind. You said in cases where the relationship doesn’t add up to RUN, but what do you do when they are blood?
I have been noticing a huge increase in homosexual relationships and the need for direction, spiritual input, discipleship, and encouragement. I believe God for freedom in the lives of those struggling in this area. Please consider preaching on the “homosexuality” topic during your Relationship Q & A series. This would be EXTREMELY valuable for those unwilling to identify themselves within our church and campuses. Thank you.
Pastor Stovall, my wife and I have been attending Celebration church for over a year now, this new series is just what I need. we have been married for over 15 years, 2 kids, house, dog, you know the rest, how do I try to become the Husband, she wants me to be, like most males we are not wired for sensitivity, we are fixers. So when something seems wrong we fix, how do I become the God First husband in her life, how do I become the God First father of my kids, I try to be as good an an example but it never seems enough to me, I see myself in this never ending circle of worrying “did I do the right thing, or is she mad about something I did/said” I really look forward to your imput.
thanx
Wow- these are all really good questions and comments. I am looking forward to addressing as many as I can. Thanks to everyone for posting.
I am really excited about this upcoming relationship series. My husband and I will be attending religiously as we could use a little insight into our marriage. I would love to hear about forgiveness in a relationship and how to build trust back after one has sinned against the other. Also how to get through rough patches in a marriage.
Pastor, thanks to you and your wife for creating this series. With all the attacks on family and marriage in todays world, we need seminars like this. My specific concern is blended families. My husband has a son from a previous relationship and it is often challenging to feel like a family unit. I do not like how my step son talks to my husband sometimes as I find it disrespectful and I do not know what my role is in this relationship, as a step mother. Also I feel as if my husband puts me second after his son and I feel it is not allowing our marriage to grow, nor my relationship with his son. Could you please address blended families in you series and offer advise on the abovementioned questions? Thank you and God bless.
I ran across this in my daily devotional and it kind of scared me… this was written to believers…. it’s between “Jesus as our sacrifice” and the “faith chapter”…
Don’t we all ‘deliberately continue to sin’ in one way or another??? Am I being too legalistic?
Hebrews 10:26-29 Dear friends, if we deliberately continue sinning after we have received knowledge of the truth, there is no longer any sacrifice that will cover these sins.27 There is only the terrible expectation of God’s judgment and the raging fire that will consume his enemies.28 For anyone who refused to obey the law of Moses was put to death without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses.29 Just think how much worse the punishment will be for those who have trampled on the Son of God, and have treated the blood of the covenant, which made us holy, as if it were common and unholy, and have insulted and disdained the Holy Spirit who brings God’s mercy to us.
Thanks for your insight !
My husband of 14 years and I have never agreed on the boundaries you should have with those of the opposite sex (in work relationships etc.) At what point are you setting yourself up for going down a road that you never wanted. Watching this same thing happen with a friend who’s husband established a “friendship” which led to unhappiness in his marriage, and left his family for another person. Now she is single,with three kids. Where are the boundaries and respect for ones spouse.
I am 34 and have never been married. I just recently ended a almost 2 year relationship. We both went to church and believe to both have a strong relationship with God. I always felt like I was only getting 80% of his love, sortof like going through the motions but lacking the romance, passion and spark… I want to be married one day and have a family… he says he wants those things but “wasn’t ready”. So we have separated and I miss him like crazy… we got along so well, had lots in common, families loved each other, there were no big things wrong except I never felt like he loved and adored me unconditionally and would move heaven and earth for me… so this has been very hard for me to let him go… I don’t understand why we can’t make this work… I feel very lost with out him. I love God and trust him as hard as it may be right now. If it truly wasn’t God’s plan, then why does it hurt so bad, and why was our relationship for the most part good???? I am so hungry for true love… on that note I have to hope that they way I felt for him was not love, becuase I was not 100% fulfilled and always felt insecure…. HELP!!!!
I recently gave up on the idea of love and marriage. It seems more a product of luck and timing than God’s will. “christians” say one of the following to explain why people are not married 1.) God is preparing you (or future spouse) 2.) there must be some “secret sin” that has made God angry so he’s withholding a blessing 3.) there’s something wrong with you (maybe they don’t say that, but that’s how they make you feel) or 4.) it’s God’s “best” that you’re single. Honestly, they are all stupid reasons. I know plenty of married people who were super unprepared/sinful/messed up and the results were catastrophic.
If God could control it, why would He withhold something that has been a dream for so long that I believe He planted in me? It has to just be dumb luck b/c I can’t believe God would be so cruel as to cause this kind of pain and humiliation in my life.
I would like to hear a message about parenting. I feel it should be an equal task for both husband and wife. However, I feel I carry most of the load. I am being stretched thin. What is your opinion of families eating together at meal time? I have heard that it is important to do that. My husband doesn’t usually eat with us because we have a hard time getting the kids to eat. So, once again the load is dumped on me. I need some me time but, rarely get it. Also, I can’t remember the last time we had a date night. He stresses about leaving the kids. When I went to Shine Unplugged he stressed when I got home with the kids at 9:30pm because he was worried about bed time. Come on give me a break! Sorry.
Pastor, My girlfriend and I have been together for five years now. We sexually sinned for a good part of our realationship. I started to get hit with feelings of depression. I then realized that things needed to change! We gave our lives to Christ about five months ago. After doing so we cried tears of joy and were so happy. The very next day we were overwhelmed with deep depression. The best way to discribe the situation was “theres nothing more to life” it was a sense of life didnt matter anymore. Ive been doing alot better since that day but I still get hit with depression and doubt of my girlfriend and my relationship. And it also feels like fear now rules my life. I struggle with having happiness,joy and love. Its almost like my feelings have been stripped from me. We both want to move on with our relationship with God involved but there is such a block from doing so. My question is: Is this God speaking or is it Satan not wanting to let go of a long time sin relationship? Is God trying to make me stronger or is he trying to pull me out of the relationship? And is the fear, the fear of letting the relationship go or is it Satan trying to ruin a relationship that God wants to build? Is Satan trying to corrupt a relationship that God has great plans for? How do you truely know if God wants a relationship to be? We both want the answer and were praying for it. Whats your take?
Pastor, I have been in a relationship for 8 years. My boyfriend and I have a son who is 7 years old. We have been living together for almost 2 years now, and I have been feeling a strong push to get married. I have been attending church for about 6 months and I know that I am not living right. But some days I really can’t stand my boyfriend, like we are on two different levels, and I don’t know that marriage would be the best thing for us. What should one do in this situation?
Like some of the other women have said my husband is a christian but, does not attened church he doesn’t have a problem with me doing it. And he always puts work first above the family and everything and I feel like he is missing out on so much and my heart cries out for him. I know that a man feels like it is his job to take care of everything but I keep telling to stop have that mentallity because if he would trust in God his life would be so much easier. I know God is working in him he wants me to start getting him the cds but I just keep praying that maybe one day he will be the spiritual God loving first man I know he can be. Because he is a good man. I just want to know if our marriage will survive this because him working from before the sun comes up to after my son goes to bed 7 days a week is really putting a strain on our marriage.
Hey Pastor,
I have a quick question…when do you know that you’ve found or met ‘the one’? Is it a gradual process, like I think it’s him, but i’m not sure and as time goes on, God shows you more and more and then you realize that that person is the one that God set out for you, or is it a bit quicker??
Pastor I just started attending your church on saturday nights with a friend who’s a member there. I think an idea that is missed a lot is Courtship. What exactly is courting and how does it work? I am thinking about a relationship with someone and I’m curious as to where I should start. I’ve definitely messed up in the past and want to be prepared so I don’t make the same mistakes.
I’ll be praying that God give you everything that needs to be said to answer all of these questions(mine and everyone else’s). God Bless.
Pastor,
i have recently been going over the fruits of the spirit. Patience and longsuffering are the ones I have been holding onto lately due to my husband’s inability to make me feel i am the most important thing next to Christ. I know it’s because he is getting his heart right with Christ and doesn’t understand His love for him so therefore he cannot express his love for me. Could you touch on the for better or for worse part of the vows we take before God? More so, the worse, or at least what feels like the worse…and give us practical steps to take and hold on to so that we may continue to love our spouses while we let go and let God work on their hearts? Thanks
Ach
Pastor, how do you know if that person is the right one? Is there free choice or does God pair you up? I have had some very disfuctional worldly relationships and I just want to know what does the bible really says about relationships and not what the world says. When I began to place my trust in God, I had someone seriously mess with my head and tell me that they knew from God the person that I was supposed to marry. This made me unsure to trust God for a bit and also made me avoid church. Sir, I just want to know the real deal about what God says and not the ideas that the world has created about marriage.
Pastor,
I’ve been dating my girlfriend now for two years and we both love each other alot. We both go to church here and put God first in our relationship and we want to take the next step. I feel that right now that God is still doing some work in us and I don’t want to ask her to marry me until I feel a peace from God. Its seems like everyone I come into contact with ask me if I’m engaged yet or are we getting married and its just alot of pressure on me. Oh by the way, she is 27 going on 28 and I’m 22. Talk to me. Am I doing the right thing by waiting?
Pastor, I think touching on the ‘step’ family situation would be very helpful. I bet there is a large percentage of non-traditional blended families at our church
Would the church be interested in hosting a conference? My wife and I really learned alot from a conference we attended by Ron Deal a Christian relationship expert.
We found out about him thru a counselor and you can check his resources out at http://www.successfulstepfamilies.com
Thank you!
Pastor Stovall, I am single again and I am so discouraged with dating and being a single parent. I dated briefly and after realizing that I’m never going to find a man who is Christian AND will put up w/ a financially struggling mother of 4, I GIVE UP! Max Lucado once said a prayer for single moms and he said “…that if she does not find a man worthy of her love, that she know You are enough”. I cried for 2 days, because I don’t want to be single for the rest of my life, I’m only 31!!! How do I get to that point where He is enough?
Pastor
I would like to hear some Biblical truths on marriage, divorce and parenting. My wife and I are going to celebrate our 10th anniversary next week and I am looking forward to the next 10 years. My wife and I have two children I am so thankful to God about the responsibility I have to bring them up in the love and fear of God. I remember the early years of my marriage where we were not God centered as we should have been but in the last few years it has become much better.
I now see my home as a place where I can evangelize my kids.
Pastor Stovall, I am a single woman, currently dating a gentleman who does not walk the same “Faith walk” as I. I believe in my heart I should not be w/ him as I am feeling convicted by the Holy Spirit. It’s difficult when you feel your being tugged on by the devil to stay in the relasionship based on your ‘heart’ and not hurting his feelings. At the same time trying to hear the Holy Spirit and do what God wants me to do. I would like to hear how single Christians can learn to descern the voice of God and know it is okay/right to end a relationship because your obeying God. How can you say “I am breaking up w/ you because I don’t think I am doing the right thing by dating you. I’m choosing God over you…
I am a recently divorced mother of three beautiful children, two of which ae my ex husbands. I am dating again and heve embarked on a monotanous relationship with a friend whom I have known for almost a year. He has no children and has never been married. I am wondering how I can get him throught he turbulances of parenthood, when I am not even sure he’s ready forthat. i mean he is very helpful when it comes to preparing meals, and playing with the kids, but sometimes I just feel like he gets fed up. How can I talk to him about my feelings without him getting the wrong impression(i.e. thinking I want to end our relationship)?
@Robin: You might want to check out a book called Love and Respect. I think it answers your question about how to be encouraging without being nagging. The short answer is: be respectful (based out of Ephesians 5:33).
Pastor Stovall,
I can’t wait to hear these messages, especially after seeing all the comments below. Several questions are similar questions we hear in Hardee. It is wonderful to see you continue to deal with real issues and watch God change lives. I notice healing and changes in my own life through prayer and speaking the word over hard situations, God’s word is so powerful, Nothing is impossible with God!! We love being a part of Celebration Church!
Pastor Stovall, My husband and I are both 23, we’ve been married for 4 years with no kids. In June, my husband walked out and asked for a divorce. He had decided that he wanted the “single life” that his non-Christian friends bragged about all the time. We have since decided to attempt to reconcile our marriage, however it has been difficult to get past the hurt. Now it is me that is not sure I want to be married to him any more. How can you build trust back with someone that has hurt you so deeply? Why is there such a pull for young men to drink, do drugs, and run around, then after they run amuck they realize the grass was not greener on the other side of the fence? It seems like there is an assault on young marriages now days and it has become so socially acceptable to get divorced just because “Your not feeling it any more”.
The next 3 months are perticularly hard for singles Thanksgiving, Christmas, then New Years. Hearing “another” series on Marriage makes a Single person feel like they are less important in the body of Christ then married couples.I was really praying that the church would take the time this season to talk about Singleness. “Sorry” just being honest
Deb
Pastor Stovall, I would like you to address the in-law issues. Everytime I have a problem with my husband parents he gets defensive and chooses their side. I don’t know how to handle it without starting a fight. Thanks for addressing issues that so many marriages have to deal with and don’t know how to handle.
Pastor Stovall, this couldn’t come at a better time. I too am looking for help with my marriage in many areas. A husband that doesn’t attend church, and also feeling like I may not be in love anymore. He is very controlling and I need to learn to speak up for myself and get myself back and be happy again.
I would also like to hear your thoughts on raising children to have a God first life when the parents are of two different religions. My ex-husband is catholic. I was raised baptist. My current husband is baptist.
I would like to hear your thoughts on having a spouse that doesn’t attend church, yet says he is a christian. He is supportive of my decisions concerning serving in and attending church, yet will not budge on his decisions to avoid coming to church. I, too, am on a second marriage. My 1st husband was of a different religion and also refused to attend church with me. He did, however, at least attend the church he was a member of.
I’m so glad you are doing this!! I would like you to cover being a submissive wife when your husband isn’t making good choices or leaves God. Also, I would love to hear from Men how to encourage men to stay on track without nagging. Please let the Men know that they are so important to us and we need them.
I thank God for you, you are incredible and real. I look forward to this series, well I look forward to everything at Celebration. I love you and Kerri!!
Pastor Stovall,
I’m just curious to hear your thoughts on prenuptial agreements. This is my second marriage, and my husband refused to marry me until I signed a prenup. We continue to have separate bank accounts, I pay my bills and he pays his. I make one 10th of what he makes, but he pays child support, etc.
Pastor Stovall, I would like to know your thoughts on loss of love in marriage. What do you do when you’ve been hurt so deeply during your relationship that you’ve reached a point where you are no longer in love with your spouse. How do you deal with caring for your spouse as a person and not liking them at the same time?
Pastor Stovall,
I would like to hear your thoughts on being a Christian and how and what to do about having a spouse that is not. I love my spouse with all my heart but find it hard to deal somtimes when I am wanting and trying so much to be a strong spirit God First Christian. Looking very forward to the next series.
God Bless you and I am so happy to have Celebration church in my life.
Pastor, “Disciple” has been a fabulous series that I will feed on for a very long time – - I’ve been loving it! Looking forward to the next series, too. Even though I’m a professional single (lol), I always pay attention to the marriage messages because that’s what I’m preparing for and I need all the help I can get before I go into it!