FAQ’s Of Life: Relationships Q & A
By Stovall Weems
This weekend, we’re kicking off our best relationship series ever! This one’s going to be an interactive series where we cover questions that come directly from you.
There have already been several great questions submitted to my blog as a result of last week’s post. Thank you for all of those. I’m really looking forward to answering as many of them as I can in this series.
This Weekend: Questions About Love and Marriage Part 1
You can continue to submit questions about marriage, dating, sex, parenting, finances or any of these topics during the course of the next 4 weeks. What would you like for me to specifically answer or talk about during this series? Here are the topics we’re going to cover:
Message #1 – This Weekend
Questions about love and marriage Part 1
Message #2 – October 11/12
Questions about love and marriage Part 2
Message #3 – October 18/19
Questions about men, women, singles, dating and sex (PG-13)
Message#4 – October 25/26
Questions about parenting kids and teens
Message#5 – November 1/2
Questions about finances and stress
We will be covering these specific things on the weekend messages, however we will continue to answer questions that relate to all 4 of these topics throughout the month.
You really don’t want to miss a single part of this series. Another exciting thing about it is that we’re partnering with Pastor Chris Hodges from Church of the Highlands in Birmingham, AL. They are doing the same series throughout the month of October and you will also have the chance to hear from Pastor Chris and some of the questions he will be answering from the people in his church.
This is going to be awesome! See you this weekend.
Stovall
Submit Your Questions Here (Feel Free To Be Anonymous)
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59 Responses to “FAQ’s Of Life: Relationships Q & A”
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Simply wanted to commend you on yet another exceptional service. I was truly awestruck by the serious, genuine disposition you maintained when answering ALL of the questions asked of you. I know a lot of the questions may have seemed eccentric, however, I personally believe a lot of people want to live for God but aren’t sure if they are in certain areas of their lives due to the “Discussion Taboo Factor”. I’m positive the fact that you were able to answer the questions without the slightest hint of judgement or condemnation was appreciated by all as well. Amazingly. even your humor was appropriately applied so as to keep the overall atmosphere pleasant. I personally learned a great deal from last nights service and am thankful for such a “Real life pastor” Not one who hides behind the comfortable sermons. The only thing that could have made it better was if Kerri was next to you.
I’m not nor have I ever been enticed into porn, magazines anything like that, however I have considered researching to keep the bedroom alive. After last nights service, I have no intention of looking at books/websites or anything else for new ideas. As a woman, I personally feel inadequate in this area of my life and am not sure how to change that if the limitations are what they are.
Hey Brother Stovall,(vacuum tip, good) They love it even more when you make the lines in the carpet straight too!!
Hey there Brother Stovall, I know we’re going through the series of reltionships and it’s an awesome thing. It’s like an extended couples retreat. Very good stuff, i love your direct, straight-forward approach to all these areas.
I’m married and I’m concerned about this week’s sermon on homosexuality. I know what the Bible says about Love thy neighbor and all, but why is it that our children need to be subjective to witnessing a couple of girls holding hands, or having an arm around another in the church. I know it wouldn’t be right for us to say,“hey you can’t come here anymore”,or anything like that, but i’m looking forward to what you have to say about the abomination of these relationships. I just don’t think that its right for children to have to witness. It’s bad enough that they are filtering it through mainstrem music now, and certain channels on T.V. We must be vigilant about what the children are subject to. Thanks for everything you’re doing in the ministry, You’re a blessing to us all, In Jesus’ Name.
jc
Hi Pastor, I am divorced and have been in a serious relationship for a while now. I find it difficult to explain to my boyfriend why we can’t be intimate. He gets frustrated and actually mad at me. He is saved but has this twisted view that God “understands his needs” and “knows that he loves me”. My take on that is then why not commit?
I am tired of fighting about it and sick to death of the extreme pressure. I have alot of time invested in this relationship but also want to know the correct response so I can also pass that on to my children. Thank you
—For a dating couple, how much PDA (Public Display of Affection) is appropriate? Arm around each other while sitting in service? A quick peck on the lips? A prolonged hug?
—Please tell us the most we should be showing in public.
—P.S. Obviously, we aren’t doing much more in private either, being pure, and all.
Pastor
I was wondering if you could talk on the subject of modesty in dressing. How important is this as a Christian witness. Should women attending church be dressing more modestly or should men be cautious to every possible visual stimulation that might lead them in the path of lust and sin.
Pastor, I love that you touched on the issue of cultural differences. It’d be awesome if you could dig deeper into that. How do we LOVINGLY accept each other’s cultures and learn to EMBRACE things that aren’t in our comfort zone out of LOVE for our spouse. What happens when you don’t feel WORTHY enough because your spouse is not willing to compromise his comfort zone for you.
This goes along with what Brady Bunch was asking. I can understand her frustration. Blended families are so challenging! How do you deal with an ex’s family if they are down right hostile? Especially if they do not have the same religious beliefs? My husband’s son lives with his mom and her family during the week and he is surrounded by atheists who bad mouth us and send us scathing e-mails if we try to do anything in the best interest of the child. How do you handle “family” who attempt to undo everything you have done in terms of teaching children to lead a Godly life? What are the boundaries you set with these people? You have no choice but to have them as a part of your life, but how do you handle them and their hate in a Godly manner?
According to the Bible, singleness is actually the preferred state for humans.
Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7 plainly states: “To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion.
See it’s all about priority, do you want a mate for selfish reasons or did God tell you you need one? Is your reason for marriage merely ‘legal sex’because you lack self-control?
A human mate will bring heartache as well as joy, but until Jesus is enough for you, you have no business being involved with someone else.
People shouldn’t go into a relationship thinking they will find their other/better/whatever half.
Two WHOLE people should go into a marriage to minimize the pain and suffering and drama.
JESUS is the ONE that everyone seems to be looking for- society has brainwashed people (especially the church)that there is ONE perfect
person for them that will make them fulfilled.
Let’s face it people, Jesus is the ONLY ONE we all need and He’s more than enough !!!
What do you do about a spouse with addictions. They know they have a problem but will not get help. It really bothers me all the money that is wasted. It totals around $400 a month that is spent on addictions. I am also concerned about their health. I don’t want them to wait until it’s too late. It effects our marriage, finances, and children. The kids are going to start figuring it all out pretty soon. It’s not a good example for them. He doesn’t realize that he is hurting more than just himself. PLEASE PRAY FOR US!
WOW, Pastor. Great message, can’t wait til this week!!!! We brought some friends and they can’t wait to return, they loved our church.
I have a question about trust and I know that you have to be patient and wait on the lord. Why dose it take so long for things to happenns.
What is okay behind closed doors between a husband and a wife? Are there lines that have to be drawn? What’s wrong and right if it’s between a married couple?
Hey Pastor,
I believe guys are just as confusing if not more than girls. So, why do guys lead you on and then let you go? And if they like you, why do they back away from you or not tell you that they do? And how should a girl act around a guy she like? I have been told about “playing the game” and it just seems very stressful and a lot of work. I honestly do not see the point in it. Please help!
Why doesn’t Celebration have “Pre-engagement” classes? Shouldn’t a couple deal with baggage and learn relationship skills before they are locked into a wedding date?
Pastor Stovall!Thank you for your desire through this message series for the hurting people in our church. Yours and Kerri’s love and authenticity for each other and for God’s people are very apparent. I want to encourage many of the respondees on this blog to get connected to a small group. It is amazing to see how God changes lives within a close and personal setting like that. I have seen it happen in our small group a number of times over. It is one of the ways God sends healing to His people and helps them gain strength and support, through the Word of God, personal sharing, caring and prayer. There is a question however, that comes up over and over. Where can couples get ongoing marital counseling at Celebration? Do we actually have that available through the Pastoral staff or do we have an out source that we can refer people to? Thanks again for your heart and willingness to broach subjects that are real and relevant to our daily lives. God Bless you and Kerri!
Pastor Stovall,
As always your sermon impacts me to the core. I am on my 3rd marriage and had filed for divorce on May 5th. In the midst of maxing out all of my credit cards fighting for custody of my children, I lost my job. I had to withdraw my petition still owing $1500+ to my attorney. Within the week, I received a letter from the judge stating he had provided me temporary custody and child support for the duration of the divorce proceedings. Always second guessing my decisions, I thought everything happened at God’s hand and that he wanted me to reconsider my decision. I was approved for vocational rehabilitation which is where disabled vets receive education for free as well as an allowance to live on. I was certain that was God’s way of confirming my thoughts. My dilemma is we can’t live like this. He HATES my two children that are not his and verbally expresses it daily. My children are beyond rebellious towards him and I have lost all authority in their lives, probably for letting them live in this mess. I have 4 children total and two would require daycare if I went back to work. I have minimal marketable skills so school is a necessity for me. I can’t leave the older two with him EVER so I have to take them to the public library on the days I attend school or have even resorted to taking them to college with me sometimes due to the library closing at nine and schools not over till 10. I have a mother who has been married 5 times & is allergic to grandchildren in addition to 1 brother who is the definition of irresponsible. No help there. I had a job where I would sometimes work 90 hours a week just to be away from him. I made near 57,000 last year and can’t find anything remotely equivalent without a degree which I don’t have. I truly thought losing my job on July 29th was a blessing, because I was not proud of my job. I would go home feeling as if God were ashamed of something I did that day due to company mandates. I was becoming the complete opposite of what I felt God expected of me. However, the promotions kept coming and the income kept increasing so I would never have been able to walk away on my own. However, now I’m completely lost. My spouse tells my children daily that they need to go live with their dads and it destroys all thoughts of tolerating this man one second more but I don’t have a choice. My children went from being well-behaved, respectable children to rebellious, back talking, selfish, God-doubting children and I don’t know how to help when we have to co-habitate. I sure wish you would do a Dr. Phil Family in crisis series because I would sign up. Did I mention, we are fixing to file Bankruptcy and are 2 months behind on our mortgage as well as the light bill. Lastly, when my husband wasn’t living here I truly put God first but it seems when Anatole is in my life God gets pushed aside. Please help me to see where God is in all of this and how I can help my children not become pregnant at 16, or runaways like he says repeatedly. My 1st divorce was my doing & I regret it to this day. I would take irresponsibility any day over what I’ve had to endure in my 2nd and 3rd marriages. Please don’t ask one of your staff members to call because I would only speak to you or Kerri and I absolutely understand that your congregation has gotten too big for you to have time for someone like me. Not to mention, my mom is a well known greeter & I refuse to have anyone think any differently of her because of something I’ve said. Lastly, Is one of the legs broken off your office chair? You tended to slouch the majority of the time:) In closing, I would like to say thank you. I have gone to Celebration since our gym days and have endured more than my share of trials (You would probably think I was lying if I didn’t have proof to most of it) but it took red haired Michelle, before she had her degree to make a house visit and help me realize that the reason I continually struggle with my relationship with God is due to my lack of a positive earthly father to associate God to. This year for the first time in my life I experienced a real relationship with God (although short lived), I at least know what it felt like and will continue to do all I can to mend it. Please tell Kerri Hi & ask her how she finds time to read at all?
I have been married to my husband almost 6 years. Right now he has 2 years off of cocaine. He still is in denial though when it comes to pot. He claims he asked Jesus in his heart, I know Jesus loves us right where we are, but I can’t help but think that he isn’t sincere about his spirituality. Maybe I’m being judgemental,but I know when I rededicated my life I became hungry for His word and could not get enough teachings and I witnessed a change in myself. I have not seen much change, pot, cursing still and hanging out with questionable people. I don’t want to live this way anymore, but I don’t want to be disobedient to God and end my marriage. I am just not happy.
When my 7 year old daughter goes to my ex-husband’s house during his visitation every week, she is subjected to his sinful lifestyle: He recently moved a woman in as well as her 13 year old daughter. My daughter is very troubled by all this.
When she said to him, “Daddy, did you know you’re disobeying the rules of the Bible?”, he said to her, “Those are the rules at your mother’s house, not here.” Then, they all get up on Sunday morning and go to (another) church.
See the message she is being sent? Not to mention, she’s learning about how men treat women by watching her father.
My ex and I have a child together so I have to have a “relationship” with him the rest of my life.
How can live with constantly having to forgive him when he continues to do things that are wrong/bad/immoral/sinful? Everytime I’ve forgiven him, he does SOMETHING ELSE bad! It’s a constant struggle to get un-mad at him.
Pastor Stovall,
Here my question…..my husband is the King of useless information. We have a conversation about my work schedule, etc. and when the date comes up he doesn’t remember that he and I even had the conversation! He tells me “It’s not a big deal or It’s not that important.” What I hear (& I tell him this) is what I share with him or what I feel is important isn’t important enough to him to remember. We’ve been married for over 10 years and this continues to happen…..I’m frustrated and hurt. Any suggestions?
paster stovall, HOW do you get your husband to know the differance between groupping .and being romantic. Every time I plan a really nice dinner and have the room filled with romance he comes in and the first thind he does is starts being all touchy and feely. Iwant him to be romantic. What am I doing so wrong? I loved the way he made me feel when we were dating. We have been married 9 years plese help us get our romance back. Ilove hime so much. thank you,
Hi Pastor Stovall,
I have a friend who has been a very dear friend for many years, but has recently announced she is gay and is going to be holding a “celebration of life” with her girlfriend in the spring. She has asked me to stand up with her as a bridesmaid at this celebration. I love her as a person, but her lifestyle goes against God’s Will, and I don’t know if I can support her in this endeavor. Do you have any advice for me?
I want to add onto (God’s Beloved) comments. My husband sees nothing wrong with him going out and hanging with his friends that are single or married that have not choosen GOD as a point of contact. While hanging out he drinks and smokes WAY more than he normally does. He also sees nothing wrong with conversating with another women on his cell phone. I feel like this is a form of adultry. It is a women that I do not know at all. He will say oh they are just frineds. But my thing is when di you have time to meet a FRIEND. And if your jsut friends why cant I meet her. I am a women; i know how other women can get. Its like every 6-7 months he gets an itch to talk to other women. But when i call him out on it he turns the aurguement to my insecurities. And asks why am I going through his phone bill. My husband saids hes a man of GOD. Paster Stovall he can quote scriptures left and right. When they apply to his reasoning and understanding. His knowing the BIBLE it what made me what to read and go to church more than ever. But When I try to talk to him and quote a scripture back he saids oh you dont know anything about the BIBLE. It was all good when he knew everything about the BIBLE and i knew nothing; but know i have been studing its a problem. I just dont understand how can one go to church, quote the BIBLE, but still not be ready to give GOD 100%. I have admitted to him that I did not always give 100% to the relationship. We have been through rough times. But we have overcome most of them. Paster Stoval I am not a person that brings up things. Once its over its over. I know I have made my fare share of mistakes, but once I turned to GOD I have had a make over. Sometimes I wonder if that is the problem. That I am closer to GOD than i ever was before. Please shed some light on other FRIENDS with in a marriage. Both male friends and female friends.
What is the most romantic thing you have ever done for Kerri, not involving your children, that you can share. What is the smallest thing you do for her that gives her the most joy? and can you explain to me what hey hey HEY hey is? (haha)
Great series. Perfect timing for so many. We are blessed to have you and Kerri as our pastors. We love you guys!!!
I wonder why people that do not go to church still have so much in life. Or so it seems, like they do. I know that we should not compare ourselves with another, but this seems like people are rewarded no matter what they do or do not do.
I’ve been in a verbally abusive relationship for many years. I prayed a lot about it and asked God to give me the strength to leave. God finally opened my eyes to all the damage the relationship has caused. I finally told him I want a divorce and it seems to have shaken something loose in him. I unfortunately have reached a breaking point. I fell no more love for him and even less trust. What do I do? Can I ever trust him again? I’m afraid I’m past the point of no return. He’s also demanding and has been physically abuse in bed. I don’t want him to touch me. I feel like that’s a pretty crucial part of a marriage. How do I regain the desire to have him touch me?
I would like to know if it’s wrong to be dating someone that is not christian, someone that I know is not the man that God chose for me. even if he becomes a christian eventually I know he’s not the right guy but I like him and we are dating. Is it wrong to be dating him?
Pastor Stovall~
We are truly in love and look forward to growing closer from listening to this series. We picked up the book the Love Dare and can’t wait to get started tomorrow!
What an awesome service! My husband and I laughed almost the entire time. We have been married for 3 months and what you said about marriage being a clash of cultures is so true. My husband is of the caucasian persuasion and I am african american, but it goes beyond race… Just last week we had an arguement over how to make tuna salad. I grew up chopping up a boiled egg for my tuna and Brian did not. As trivial as it may sound it almost led me to tears that he wasn’t willing to try it my way (which is pretty tasty). We have had these kind of arguements repeatedly as we try to figure out “leaving our mother and father’s home” and making our own. We were relieved when you said that having conflict is normal and healthy since we have that part pretty much covered
how do you you keep your husband satified so that he will never have the desire to cheat? Also, how do you keep him from “falling out of love” and end up searching for “someone better.”
I have somewhat of the same problem as “Ann” I too am in a second marriage with kids. We have been married 6 years, I still have one at home and we have his two younger teens also. I have always treated the younger two as my own, their mom only sees them once a year. They come to me for everything and call me mom. My husband does not try much too get along with my boys and sees them as “competition”. One left at 18, because he couldn’t take it, my youngest is still home and is 17yrs. My son attends college, has worked for 3 years,bought his own car and pays for his insurance, and cable. My husband never says anything nice to him,and refers to him as “that guy”. My son is a slob, but his room is upstairs and no one goes there but him. When we got married I made $10,000 more then my husband, but never brought it up or cared. I mention it now, because my husband gets upset when I buy my kids a hamburger, or birthday or Christmas presents. He gets jealous if I get them a present at Christmas and he doesn’t get the same thing. He does have spells where he is “normal and nice” and then will get these crazy ideas (mentioned above). I think he may be bi-polar. I think about leaving all the time, and no longer feel anything at all, not anger, hate, love, nothing.“His” kids want me to leave him and take them with me.
What does the bible say about divorce? What I have found that the word says is that the only reason you should divorce is because of adultery.Which Gods word also says that if a man lust after another woman that is the same as adultery.Would you consider that a man responding to personal ads from women on the internet as lusting after another woman?
Also I would like to know if Gods word says anything about abuse in a relationship. When I have talked to counselors they say they tell people to leave if they are being physically abused.What is there in Gods word that backs that up? In the area of emotional and verbal abuse it seems to be a gray area.Why is that? I can not find anywhere in Gods word that says to divorce if you are being abused, physically or emotionally. I would appreciate it if you could enlighten me with any revelation you have from Gods word on this matter.
I’m sure there are a lot of women out there that could benefit from the answers to these questions.
Also I wanted to add I am so glad that God is having you do this series. It is so needed. As I am sure you will find from all the questions you receive. I thank God for you and your wife. I love God and Celebration.
Elizbeth,
I have been divorced for 10 years and God is allowing me to raise 3 wonderful children. Please take the time you need to allow God to heal you and prepare you for the mate of his choosing. Until you can love yourself and allow God to love you, you can not love anyone else. Take this time to seek the Love of the FATHER. He will send your mate in time. Focus on the things of God.
I allowed myself the time to heal after my divorce and God sent a wonderful man to find me at the car dealership in such a strange way. That renewed my life and I know He is the Man that God entends for me to sepnd the rest of my life with. It is not easy but with God it is worth it. Hold on and seek HIM first.. God is not a respector of person. If He did it for me He will do it for you. Rest in HIM.
I was in a 7 year relationship and it ended about 2 years ago. I am still young only 22 but I feel like I am very mature in relationship aspects. Ever since I was young I have prayed for God to send me the woman he has for me and it really has been hard not pursuing women at parties that I have gone to during my first 2 years of college. trusting in God I kept my faith and I meet a woman, we clicked so much with our talks of God and relationships, even reading the same book “the purpose driven life,” however she is married, but only for her papers to become an american citizen. We have been seeing each other for about 1.5 years and are so deeply in such a wonderful love and we would get engaged if she wasn’t married, my family adores her! But I still question the sin, she is hoping to get her divorce as soon as she becomes a citizen. Her and her husband knew each other for 2 weeks before the marriage and have never shared love together it was more of a way for her to come to america to be with her family. We have become really serious and spend so much time together we have even talked of marriage in the future, she is the love of my life and we both believe with our faith in God we could be together forever. But on the other hand we know this is such a sin even though her marriage is somewhat of just a way to come into this country. Any comment?
What makes a soul mate a soul mate? Is it the fact that you and that person like and dislike the same things or that you can’t live without each other? Or is the concept just a fairy tale?
I’m a single, newly divorced woman and I’m embarrased to ask about this, but I’m sure there are a lot of individuals with the same question. If it hasn’t been asked already: What is our church’s stand on masturbation? And I’m asking this both within a marriage and from a singles standpoint.
I am a 42 year old woman who has been single since 1991. I have not dated and have been celebate. I was married twice in the past, but after a very hurtful breakup in 1991 had promised myself and God that I would never marry again… I’ve broken that promise to God and myself. I want to get married. But I don’t know where to begin or how to even date in the life I’ve been living with God since the time I gave my life to Him in 1991. I sat in service yesterday and listened to your words of “being realistic”. I know people are not perfect (I know I am not perfect). So, how do you know when you’ve actually met the right person? Please do not respond with “you know him because he loves the Lord, etc…” I’ve met so-called Christian men who had more skeletons and secret lives than men who are not Christian.
Thanks for responding.
Sharon
Dear Pastor Weems,
Why is it that men tend to stop trying once they’ve caught us? If I would tell men one thing that makes a huge difference to women it’s this: we want you to value and cherish us enough to always try. All those little things you did while winning our heart, we thought would continue at least on some level. But guys tend to think those things were just part of the hunt. For women though, those were the things that told us you loved us and that we were precious in your eyes. When you quit doing those things, or start displaying bad or rude habits in front of us……..we’ll that precious message is not longer being received. Guys, what you did to win our hearts will keep our hearts. Pretty simple really.
I have been living with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have a beautiful little 3 year old girl together. IT has been a long journey but we are still here toegther, we moved here from NY to basicallys ettle down and focus on our family, but one thing that still has not happened is marriage. I know he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I see my future with him despite all his disfunctions but for some reason marriange is just not coming up. He thinks it is just a papaer he does not see the significance and how important it is to be marreid. We both attend Celebration regularly, I try to tell him what the bible says about marriage but he just doesnt think its necessary. I tell him we already are playing house why not complete the deal and just get it over with, he says why not just leave things the way they are. Is there anyway you can talk about the Value of marriage in these series? How important it is to God for two individuals to unite as one? Im good enough to live with, and have kids with…but not to marry? I just wish he could realize where Im coming from….Can you help me?
My husband and I have been together for 10 yrs, married for 8 this January. Long story short…we are NOT equally yoked. I didn’t understand the importance of this “then”, but I do now. He is a wonderful man, big heart, great father to our 2 boys….but when it comes to faith and a relationship with Jesus, his has stalled. He is on the fence. He did get saved and actually baptized at Celebration, but it’s as if he’s completed the required checklist of his christian “duties” and that’s it. He is VERY uncomfortable by my growth. Will not sit with me in praise and worship because it freaks him out if I get “too” into it or lift my hands etc… He makes me feel as if he thinks I feel I’m better or Ms. Holier than thou and this is just NOT the case. It’s to the point I don’t even ask him if he’s going to church. (I go on Sat nights and he will come “late” after the music and we meet up afterwards outside). NOT my idea of a family going to church =( I’ve been so patient, I’ve tried bugging him…NOT bugging him…staying quiet…not staying quiet…and just praying. I don’t know what else to do, but I KNOW a LOT of the “issues” we have in our marriage would be solved or at least better handled if he would grow and learn to really know and love Jesus. We are a blended family…and while he is a great father, his relationship with our oldest (which is his step son) is VERY strained. My son being a 16 year old does not help matters. I’m feeling very torn, in the middle, stressed and actually very, very lonely. I know he loves me very much. But I’m exhausted and sad more often than happy lately. Please address in this next series =(
Thanks….God Bless!
I would like to know your thoughts on how a saved wife married to an unsaved man should handle things like tithing and raising children.
PLEASE PLEASE ADDRESS THIS ISSUE IN SERVICE!!!!
MY huband and I have been married for 6 years it has not been easy at all. However we have made great progress since we have been attending your church. There is one obsticle that my husband and I still do not see eye to eye on and it causes much confusion. We have a 13 year old boy that I had from a prior relationship. His father is not involved in his life at all, but lives here in Jacksonville. My husband has been in my sons life for 6 1/2 yaers so since he was 7. At the beginning of our relationship My husband was activly involved in my sons life; but through our rough times I feel that my husband takes his anger for me out on my son and/or vice versa. If my husband has a problem with my son instead of him disaplining him as a father figure should he comes to me. EX. Living room was not vacummed. Instead of him asking the child to do vacumme or ask the child why he had not vacummed yet. My husband complains to me. I asked him why didnt he bring it to the boys attention. My husband replies That is not my seed. So to keep the peace in the house I just vacumm. I understand that is not my husband biological son however my son considers my husband his father. My son does not call him dad to his face; however when speaking about his father he refernces my husband which is the stap father. It is just SOOO hard because I am stuck in the middle between the two. My husband has always told me that if his biological father was in the picture he would not have been. It is so hard because my husband does not want the bilogical father around (which some things are better off left alone) but in the same breath he does not want to activly involve himself in my sons life either. My husband will say things like everyone ignores him around here. He saids my son does not speak to him. But my husband does not generate conversations with my son either. My husband is ther finaclly for him; but not mentally. And i feel that a 13 year old boy really needs a male mentor at this day and age. Our son is a good child, he does not disrescpect my husband in any way, well mannered yes sir, no sir. I dont want him to stray off his current path because he thinks no one is there for him. Please Please try to shed some light to this in your service. We go to the 11:00 service.
What do I do if my husband has emotionally removed himself from our marriage and refuses to try to work things out. This is my first marriage his third. We have been married 9 years have 3 children from 3 to 14. He won’t go to counseling. We are living as brother and sister. There is still a chance for me. I am young. Don’t I deserve love?
What is your and Kerri’s favorite date night?
I am 32 year old divorced & remarried mother of 4. My current husband and I have been together for 6 years and he is a very good man, though he is not saved. He’s very receptive to conversations we have and loves Celebration when he comes, but he’s hesitant to trust the human leadership of the church. His biggest issues stem from my own story, because my first husband was a pastor of a church and was unfaithful which ended our marriage. Because we had children, my ex and I stay in contact with each other and he is still a very religious person and has been very adamant about his devotion to the “church”. My husband now, sees him as an example of what most Christians are; human, hypocritical, sinful and he has a hard time believing that there’s a point to a God centered life. There are times when this has caused contention between us and honestly, there are times when I’ve just given up and fallen to the wayside because I don’t want to be the spiritual leader. How do we make it through this? What steps should we take to strengthen our marriage and how can I help overcome the feelings of bitterness and betrayal that we both sometimes feel when comparing how others portray the church and what worship is really all about?
I have been married for 6 years and my husband anf I have never gone on a vacation together just to chill . He is aleasy at home and does nother except watch TV and on the computer. He some to bed every night after 2:oopm I am prayng for strength to stay in this marriage
My husband and I have been married for almost 19 years. Last night he told me he wanted a divorce and that he is in love with a woman he met a month ago. He says she makes him happy and alive again. We have had major relationship issues in the past and our daughter and I stood by him and supported him during a really tough time. Unfortunately, the bitterness on my part over the years since then has overwhelmed our relationship with lack of forgiveness. How can a spouse overcome bitterness and ugly memories plus accept the fact that the spouse no longer loves them?
I guess I would consider my wife and I still newly weds, but we’ve been married for two years now. My question relates to dealing with minor conflicts with-in a relationship. I’m having a hard time trying to understand women in general.
I’m paraphrasing, but the bible talks about trying to settle an argument before the day is over.
In the case for my wife, it could be settled but it’s not over. I could say I’m genuinely sorry, and even come to the point of acknowledging and even understanding what I’ve done to upset her. It’s easy with men, after we resolve our issues we’re good again. In the case with women, they wrestle with it, and coldly tries to isolate themselves away. I’m not trivializing the problem, I mean I will try my best to not let it happen again. It seems that my wife can’t seem to let it just go.
If she offends me in minor situations and ask for my forgiveness, I’ll be fine and I’ll go on.
What can I do differently to get my wife to be more positively responsive after the issue has been dealt with?
I was supposed to get married this past summer but before it actually happened I found out that my fiance had been cheating on me. He had cheated on me a year earlier but because he said that he would change and because he became more active in church, I gave him a second chance. Because he did it again and because of some of the other circumstances surrounding the whole situation, I moved and the wedding was called off. Now, he’s trying to work his way back in to my life. We have a three year old daughter together and because of that I really would like our relationship to work but after all that I have been through I don’t know how I could ever believe that he wouldn’t hurt me again. He says that he is a changed man and he has been getting even more involved in church and even more importantly..the WORD…but…I just don’t know how to believe that it’s not just another show to win me back. I truly believe that through everything that happened God was working in it and I know that He wanted me to move but now I’m starting to think that maybe the reason things worked out like this was so that we would both get closer to God before we got married. The fact of the matter is that we were both sinners. We were living together and having sex together and we shouldn’t have been. I like to think about all that he did but honestly I was sinning too. My problem and I guess my question with all of this is that I can’t really tell if the thought of us getting back together is something that I am creating in my head because I don’t want to have a broken family or if it’s God telling me to give him another chance. Actually, I guess I don’t really have a question because I think the answer lies within that sermon that you did about “tuning in to God”…I think I just need to really tune in to God and I will get the answer that I need!
I am a 26 year old woman who has been recently divorced. I was married for three years and suffered through most of my marriage. Before I was married I also did not have luck with men. I was abused at the age of 5 and twelve, once by a woman and once by a man. My first relationship ended up in physical abuse. I have been fighting this situation for a year now. I do not trust people that often and believe me I do try. When I date people it seems harmless but somehow the men that I meet have no respect for anything but themselves. In the beginning it’s sweet but as soon as things become official they begin to impose certain conditions on me. like i am their prize possesion. I believe that God has someone in line for me,and I wait patiently. Men and women do not date anymore, dating has become vulgar and unpleasant. Men and women need to be able to communicate with eachother in other levels than just sex. Lately, Men and women both do not really care what each has to say. It is upsetting and discouraging to go out and begin dating again. Will this stage in my life ever end? Why must I go through the trials for so long? And when I do find someone that I can grow with will I be able to trust in him completely? I feel like lately everyone has been putting on a show when they meet people. Am I going crazy? Is there something I can do to get over the past?I have strength and always keep pushing forward because in my heart I know that God is always lifting me up.
My husband and I are married for 8yrs. He is not a Christian, however he is unbelieveably kind. He is a good father and often takes time out of his very busy schedule to spend quality time with our son and I. The problem that I am facing is that our sex life is pretty much dead. I am just not fired up. I feel a void in our relationship as a result. Sex is the only thing I can share only with him. What are your suggestions.
I am saved, single, 35 year old women, never been married and no children. I want to know where are the single saved men, and why is it so hard to meet one? Where do you go to meet a single saved man.
My husband and I will be married 3yrs on 12-17-08…6 months after we were married we were both injured in a motorcycle accident. Both of my legs were broken and other injuries, Glen had some minor injuries. For almost a year I was unable to walk due to about 5 surgeries, I had 3 teenagers from a previous marriage. Glen lost his job, was laid off from another job, then another. We lost our home and 2 cars, etc. Long story short…the last 2 1/2 yrs have been a challenge to say the least. Our trust was always in the Lord. During this time we came to church,and kept pressing into our faith. Glen took care of the house,food,kids and me. A true test of a good man and husband. This experience has strengthened our love and our marriage, so many times the enemy tried to get to us,but we prevailed!! Glen now works for a church as a sexton and I am on the road to wellness. God has blessed us in so many ways,He took all of the broken pieces and put them together HIS WAY!!! We are truly grateful for everything! Catastophe to Catalyst! With all of this being said…there is still a missing link to our marriage. We have prayed with pastors,in church and separately. Glen is English and a very private person, I would like us to pray together daily as a couple, I have asked him to pray with me several times, he doesn’t seem comfortable about it. I pray for him in this area…any suggestions? How do we come together for prayer?
We have lived beyond our means for years. We are responsible tithers now but are suffering the consequences of foolish choices of our past. We have so much debt that it’s hard to buy food & gas. Would God be disappointed if we allowed property to be foreclosed & repossessed?
After being married for over 7 years, I have to admit that TD Jakes was right! In a book that he wrote, The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord, he talks about how two disfunctional people meet, fall in love and get married. Then one day you wake up only to realize you’ve changed and your partner doesn’t meet your disfunction anymore…
I realized not too long ago that I am a “rescuer”, and I married my husband to “rescue” him. And now, uh oh, God is changing me, so now what is my role??? This is the perfect time in my marraige for this series…God is going to teach me about true love.
My husband and I will be married 7 years in November. Before we were married he treated me like an absolute princess and was on his best behavior around me at all times. I am not naive to think that could last forever, but it seems I have become the person that he is quickest to lash out on and show his ugly side to. How can we get back to that place wanting our partner to experience the best part of ourselves, instead of the worst?
Hi Pastor Stovall,
I am a single female and when men wanted to date me I always turned them down because I always found something wrong. I just did not feel like they were the one. I hung out with them a couple of times and they were nice but I just did not feel it for them.
My question is am I being too picky or will the Lord let me know upfront when I meet that special someone?
Why are so many men verbally abusive I am currently going through a divorce of a 15 year marriage and three young children. My husband started the batter intervention course and then quit going – because he says he cant afford it. Then at the mediation I wanted a legal seperation and he said no chance for a reconciliation- he was also unfaithful. How do you move forward when dragging so much baggage. I know God does not want me in that relationship or the children exposed to it. My husband professes to be saved and he goes to church- I am confused as to how a church going man can confess he is saved and following God and calleng his wife everything but.
I am a single mom of 2 kids. I was married for almost 5 years and then got divorced. I have been a Christian since I was little but was not totally committed. I start attending church consistently after my divorce. I know divorce is wrong and lately I have been feeling extremely guilty about it. I divorced my husband after he kept choosing his drugs, friends, and alcohol over me and our kids constantly. As of now his life is still in shambles. He is running from the law and lives out of the state. He has no contact with his children and I have to constantly try and fix them and their hearts. They hurt so badly. I have told my oldest son that I believe that God will send us a wonderful man one day, as all he wants is a “daddy” at home. But am I wrong? Since I am divorced and now damaged goods is it naive for me to think that God will ever send me another person? Or am I destined to be alone since I did the ultimate sin of divorcing my first husband?